Hyperconnectivity, Communication Overload, and Web-based Anxiety

Immediate access to a world full of information is destroying my patience.  Multimedia communications are heightening my anxiety.  Chronic multitasking is disrupting my ability to focus.  My ability to control compulsive behavior is shot.  And my desire for new gadgets is wreaking havoc on my budget.

Perhaps I need to unplug.  But I just can't bear the thought...

Multi-Tasking

At any given moment in time, I have an average of seven different applications running on my work computer.  Currently, I am using two Access databases, one Excel spreadsheet, two Word documents, Outlook, Messenger, Internet Explorer, Wordpad, and something called HEAT (help desk support tracking system).  HEAT is particularly annoying, as it pops up frequent messages informing me that I need to do something.  Irritating.

Right now I am attempting to modify a webpage, create 150 HEAT tickets (which means that I then get to do the work that needs to be tracked by the HEAT tickets, then close the tickets), modify a graph, look up data in multiple databases, respond to emails, create reports, and answer phone calls from hysterical people who don't know what they're doing but it absolutely must be done before the end of the year. 

And it's all so overwhelming, so I'm practicing avoidance by blogging about it.  Ha-ha!

Email Notifications

At work, I have MS Outlook running at all times.  When I recieve a popup email notification and see that little envelope icon in the corner of the screen, I have this compulsive need to check my email.  I just can't NOT check it.  I'm like Pavlov's dog. 

If I try to resist, the envelope taunts me, torments me, I MUST know what is in the email.  Even if I see from the subject line that it is not something I want to read right now, I still have to mark it as read, then as unread, so as to free up the little envelope icon for my next email notification. 

In the workplace, email seems to have completely replaced all other forms of communication.  Every day, I recieve lengthy email strain after email strain.  Things that could most easily be resolved face to face, by booking a conference room or coordinating a conference call.  Things that quickly degenerate, tempers flaring, sentences becoming shorter and more condescending.

I also check both Hotmail and Yahoomail accounts frequently throughout the day.  Through those email accounts, all websites of which I am a member (Zaadz, MySpace, Facebook, MyFamily, etc.) send me various notifications throughout the day of every message I receive on these sites, every response somebody makes to a post I've made, every blog my friends write, etc.  And with each notification, I have this compulsive need to log into the website and view all new information.  This is a particularly frustrating compulsion with regards to Facebook and MySpace, which have been specifically blocked at work due to huge amounts of bandwidth being consumed during lunch hours.  I have been known to run to the local library on lunch breaks in order to read MySpace messages because I simply cannot wait until later.

Instant Messaging

Also running on my computer at all times is my MSN Messenger.  I compulsively check this throughout the day to see which of my friends and co-workers are currently available.  Instead of getting off my butt and walking three cubicles down the hallway, I first check Messenger to make sure the person is not marked as "Away".  When somebody signs in or out, it lets me know. 

Instant messaging has also led to a huge rash of workplace sarcasm.  Behind every conversation that is overheard in cubicle land, there is a searing IM commentary regarding the quality and accuracy of the information being conveyed, the annoying personal habits of the individuals involved, etc.  At the very least, each verbal work request is quickly followed by an IM from or to my cubicle neighbor, generally in the form of, "Yeah, let me pull that right out of my butt for you." 

An extra feature of Messenger is instant access to my Hotmail inbox.  Every time I recieve a Hotmail message, I also receive a popup notification from Messenger.  This creates in me the same compulsion as Outlook (see above). 

Home Computers and Access Speed

I am now so accustomed to the speed of the network connections at work, that I am constantly frustrated when trying to use the internet at the local library, my parents' house, or my brother's house. 

Notice I did not say MY house.  Five years ago, when I first began this job, I was so frustrated at being on a computer for 10 hours a day, that the mere sight of my home computer was enough to send me into a rage.  So I got rid of it.  This is approximately the same time period when I got irritated by crappy cell phone service and chucked my phone into the Spokane River.

Repressed anger always finds a way out.

But I digress.  I have now gone five years without internet access at home.  This has begun to frustrate me.  When I wake up at two o'clock in the morning and have some burning question in my mind to which I MUST have an immediate answer, going to the library, or my parents', or my brother's is just out of the question.

I want a laptop.  Not just any laptop.  A super-fast laptop with tons of memory.  Preferrably an Apple, but that is not in my price range currently.

Camera Phones, Text Messaging, Palm Piloting, and MP3 Players?

For the last two weeks, I have been researching new cell phones.  Mine WAS cool, top of the line, cutting edge.  Two years ago.  Now it is a worthless piece of crap.  What leads me to this conclusion?  Does it no longer function as intended?  Why, yes, it does work.  It is perfectly able to make phone calls and take pictures.  The problem is...that's ALL it does. 

So I went out yesterday and spent $150 (that I really couldn't afford) on a brand new cell phone.  I justified it in my head, of course, because it is normally a $300 phone....plus, I will get an additional $50 rebate.  And it is COOL.  It is an MP3 player.  I can text message.  I can email.  I can use AOL, MSN, or Yahoo messenger on it.  I can listen to XM Radio.  I can browse the internet.  I can take high resolution photos...with a flash!  I can make VIDEO PHONE CALLS. 

What the hell??

Am I going to use most of those features?  Oh, probably not.  Plus, I would need to go and buy a bunch of accessories, an additional memory card for the MP3, and add a whole new data bundle for the phone.

But it looks cool.  And I liked knowing that it CAN do all those things, even if it never does.

And the cell phone, as is the case with email and instant messaging, is also a compulsive thing for me.  I will not leave home without it.  If it rings, I MUST answer it.  If I get a text message, I MUST read it.  Immediately!

And when I make a phone call or text message and the person doesn't immediately answer?  I immediately assume that they are deliberately ignoring me as punishment...for what, I don't know.  But punishment.

So what now?

I need to chill out.  Unplug.  Perhaps not keep my Outlook on all the time.  Turn off my cell.  Not buy my new laptop until AFTER I have the cash in hand.  Stop trying to do everything all at once.  It's OKAY to admit that I can't do everything. 

Breathe.  A lot.  Mindfully.



Oh, thank god.  It's Christmas eve and today was the longest day in the history of ever, but now my boss says GO HOME!  Don't have to tell ME twice.  Besides, if they need me, just send an email to my super-duper handy cell phone.