I am amazed...

Crazy weekend, this.  Temperatures in the mid to upper 90's.  I'm used to the late summer being this mindmeltingly hot, but this is MAY, for chrissakes!!  In this scorching heat, it's all I can do to drag myself out of bed.  I walk outside and am instantly covered in sweat and totally fatigued. 

I'd planned to cultivate the rest of the raised beds around the farmhouse, but when I walked outside Friday morning, I instantly knew that no tomato plant would survive the arduous journey from the nursery to the farm.  If, by some miracle, one DID survive, well then I would probably not survive the planting of it. 

So instead, my entire weekend was spent weekend moping around the house, sleeping, watching movies, and drinking water. 

And through all this selfish moping, The Boy, that wonderful, amazing, hard working Boy, went to work, driving miles and miles from one field to another, turning water on, turning water off, moving pipes, tracking the movement of center-pivot irrigation systems, getting dirty, getting muddy, getting tired.  Yes, he was a bit grumpy, but it was necessary work...his family's livelihood depended on it.  He started before 7 a.m. and was still at it after 10 p.m.

This got me thinking.

We started dating in May of last year.  Now, there wasn't a heat wave like this, but this is just a couple day sort of situation.  But I've been seeing him working this hard for WEEKS now and I just wonder how he survived the first few months of our relationship?  May is a busy month.  A time of planting acre after acre after acre.  Keeping everything watered.  Supervising the harvest of asparagus.  Making visits to the processing plant to check on the progress.  Running into town for parts.  Early mornings and late nights.  

On top of all of that, he was driving 30 miles to take me out on dates.  Dinner, a movie, a concert.  Then the 30 mile drive afterwards to go turn off (or on) irrigation.  I'm thinking of all the phone calls he made to his dad on nights that he stayed in town with me, negotiating for not being the one to drive out to the farthest field to turn off the pump.  I'm thinking of all the waking up extra early in order to get out to the fields by the time the farm hands show up.

I have spent a fair amount of time feeling like I got the short end of the stick, having to come second in his life to the farm.  I kept beating myself up for feeling like that.  I mean, I grew up on a farm and had a dad who missed most of the important events of my life due to some farm emergency.    So I knew going into this what I could expect.  And yet I still pouted when he cancelled on me.

But now that I've seen him in action, I am amazed.

I realize now how hard the first few months of our relationship must've been on him.  I knew he was tired sometimes...heck, he even fell asleep on me mid-sentence once.  But now, I am so glad that he took that time to be with me, realizing now what that means in terms of  the farm and his livelihood.  Even if he DID fall asleep.

So, on weekends like this, instead of pouting that he didn't spend time with me, I'm just grateful for what little moments he could manage to eke out...drive-by kissings and such.  And when I wake up early on Sunday mornings and he's still sleeping, I don't feel the need wake him up any more. 

I don't have to be the center of his attention at every waking moment, because I realize now that he HAS put me first, even to his own detriment....and I don't want him to do that for me.  I don't NEED him to do that for me.  And when he DOES do that for me, I can fully appreciate what that means...