Just killing time....
Posted on Jul 16th, 2008
by 
Joey
Joey
Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting to go home. Waiting for my life to begin. Waiting to be inspired. Waiting for the phone to ring. Waiting to wake up. Waiting for a reason. Waiting for a more fulfilling job to just drop into my lap. Waiting fof the one I love. Waiting to win the lotto.
Which brings to mind my favorite Tom Robbins quote, "Should you fail to pilot your own ship, don't be surprised at what inappropriate port you will find yourself docked."
It just occurred to me that this particular paragraph ends, "But to achieve the marvelous, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought."
The unthinkable.
I think the unthinkable, but then I am afraid. Can I do it? What if it doesn't work out? What if I lose everything?
But then I remember the words of Emerson, "Always, always, always, always, always, always do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain."
Or Suzanne Falter-Barnes, "There really is no such thing as failure. There is only the rearrangement of plans and surrender of ego."
How do I want to live my life? I wish for the courage to live in such a way as to have somebody say THIS about me when I die: "(S)he attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which." That's Douglas Adams, in case you were wondering.
Killing time. If taken literally, my lack of direction in life has led me to become somewhat of a mass murderer of time. Waiting...waiting....
I grew up in one of those families that are great proponents of things like, "Patience is a virtue" and "Good things come to those who wait." And that is true...some of the time. But maybe, as in all aspects of life, what is really needed is a BALANCE. Learn to know when to wait and when to act. I only learned one. I don't know when to act. I'm afraid to act.
Sometimes, when you wait too long, you miss out on something really great.
Hmmm, which of us am I talking to? Me or The Boy? If I sit here and wait for him too long, I may miss out on a lot of good opportunities. If he sits here and waits too long, waits until he's 100% certain sure, waits until he has all his ducks in a row, he will miss out on me.
Making decisions by not deciding. Waiting to see what comes along. Never running toward what I want. And we're two peas in a pod. Or more accurately, two chickenshits.
New song stuck in my head (added as myspace profile song):
Which brings to mind my favorite Tom Robbins quote, "Should you fail to pilot your own ship, don't be surprised at what inappropriate port you will find yourself docked."
It just occurred to me that this particular paragraph ends, "But to achieve the marvelous, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought."
The unthinkable.
I think the unthinkable, but then I am afraid. Can I do it? What if it doesn't work out? What if I lose everything?
But then I remember the words of Emerson, "Always, always, always, always, always, always do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain."
Or Suzanne Falter-Barnes, "There really is no such thing as failure. There is only the rearrangement of plans and surrender of ego."
How do I want to live my life? I wish for the courage to live in such a way as to have somebody say THIS about me when I die: "(S)he attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which." That's Douglas Adams, in case you were wondering.
Killing time. If taken literally, my lack of direction in life has led me to become somewhat of a mass murderer of time. Waiting...waiting....
I grew up in one of those families that are great proponents of things like, "Patience is a virtue" and "Good things come to those who wait." And that is true...some of the time. But maybe, as in all aspects of life, what is really needed is a BALANCE. Learn to know when to wait and when to act. I only learned one. I don't know when to act. I'm afraid to act.
Sometimes, when you wait too long, you miss out on something really great.
Hmmm, which of us am I talking to? Me or The Boy? If I sit here and wait for him too long, I may miss out on a lot of good opportunities. If he sits here and waits too long, waits until he's 100% certain sure, waits until he has all his ducks in a row, he will miss out on me.
Making decisions by not deciding. Waiting to see what comes along. Never running toward what I want. And we're two peas in a pod. Or more accurately, two chickenshits.
New song stuck in my head (added as myspace profile song):
We try our best,
It's our big test.
You're looking east,
And I'm lost out west.
Can't you hear me?
I just want to walk right up to him, forehead to forehead, nose to nose, eyeball to eyeball...and say, "Let's just run away from this place, these responsibilities, these debts, these heartaches, this emotional baggage, pretend nothing exists before today, live our lives as nomads, embrace a life of groundlessness..."
Or, in the words of Weezer:
Let's go away for a while,
You and I, to a strange and distant land,
Where they speak no word of truth
But we don't understand anyway...
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
Though I'm not sure when that day will come...I guess maybe I'm waiting for it...
It's our big test.
You're looking east,
And I'm lost out west.
Can't you hear me?
I just want to walk right up to him, forehead to forehead, nose to nose, eyeball to eyeball...and say, "Let's just run away from this place, these responsibilities, these debts, these heartaches, this emotional baggage, pretend nothing exists before today, live our lives as nomads, embrace a life of groundlessness..."
Or, in the words of Weezer:
Let's go away for a while,
You and I, to a strange and distant land,
Where they speak no word of truth
But we don't understand anyway...
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
Though I'm not sure when that day will come...I guess maybe I'm waiting for it...
Access: PublicTagged with: waiting, unthinkable, fear, love, ego, relationships, nomad, groundlessness, directionless
directionless
August 2008 